PERSONAL STORY: MONICA

Seven years ago, 1993, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was 18. The doctor I had said there wasn't that much there to burn off in the laproscopy. He told me stress made the pain worse. I was on the pill and engaged to be married in four months. I met my husband just before I turned seventeen and was recovering from anorexia - bulemia. I started out with avoiding food and ended up not being able to keep it down. I started the pill right before my eighteeth birthday and had hoped this would help regulate my cycles and alleviate the pain I had throughout the month. I gained weight rapidly and thought it was the pill causing it.

Seven months after my laproscopy I went in to the doctor with severe pain. It hurt to lay down on the examining table. My new female doctor replaced my previous doctor who had relocated. She sent me down to have an ultrasound. When I went back in to her she said I had polycystic ovaries and there was nothing we could do. I thought the term refered to the fact I had a LOT of cysts. I went on DepoProvera for a year. I then went off it hoping to get pregnant.

In February of 1996, I went to a different OB/GYN. He was the first to do a laproscopy in our state and I had heard he was excellent. He put me on Depo Lupron. It is a spendy drug. Thank goodness insurance paid for it since it was considered a treatment for endometriosis and not a conceiving method. I was on it for seven months. I went from 210 pounds down to 170. It makes me wonder if the drug had something to do with it. I relocated to another state but finished his treatment. After I finished the treatment I gained the weight back and never thought of it until now.

When I left Washington I still hadn't had a period, so in March or April after I returned to my original home, I called my doctor and told him what was up. He gave me some Clomid. I thought I would try to lose some weight to try and get pregnant. I set up an appointment for a yearly exam in August. We were also going to discuss options for me to try and get pregnant. I canceled in August, because I had my period. I canceled in September (thought my period would be there), and in October he insisted I come in with or with out my period.

He gave me a pregnancy test and when I went in to do the pap he said, "Are you over the shock?" I was confused and he said the test was positive. I was pregnant. I thought I would never have children. I had tried counting my ovulation and taking my temperature. All summer I prayed every night I would have a baby. God gave me a beautiful 9lb. girl. To top it off, my little girl was 4 1/2 months old when I got pregnant the second time. What a shock. I'm not sure which baby surprised me more. I really think that the Depo Lupron helped.

Now my girls are 2 and 1. I haven't lost any weight since I had my youngest. I am not getting a period. I have more hair on my face and extreme pain at times. I was depressed today about my weight. I was considering going back to my old cheerleader habits, when I remembered that the nurse said my weight might be a result of PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrom).

Now I have to try and get through this not for conceiving children but so that my health won't kill me before my children graduate. I weigh an unhealthy 252 lbs. Diabetes runs in my family along with high blood pressure. I know that anorexia and bulimia are unhealthy and I don't want my children to see me destroying myself. I am at a loss. I never knew there was a treatment for PCOS. I have an appointment Friday to figure out what to do about the pain and the weight. I now wonder just how much was the endometriosis and how much was the cysts.

It is so nice to know I am not the only one who can't lose weight, and that the pain is like a knife being shoved inside of you. I now know there are others who have been through worse and I hope we will all conquer this maddening disease. I have never been so frustrated in all my life with my weight. It is amazing how we seem to judge ourselves on our appearances, even if it isn't our fault. I want to lose this weight and be pain free. Maybe dreams can come true.

Monica