Endometriosis and Relationships

Since finally being diagnosed with endometriosis in April of 2000 I have quickly noticed a change in the relationships I have with my friends, family, co-workers, and husband. Each one effects me in so many ways I never knew or realized before.

I have noticed my friends slowly began to fade away shortly after diagnosis. After all, who would want to be friends with someone who can't go out last minute dancing and drinking because they are in too much pain? Right? Even though I have been there for them, no matter what time, whenever they had a crisis. Whether it be a bad breakup, bad day at work, or just had a bad haircut. I was there! It seems funny how when it comes to your health, friends seem scarce. Maybe it hits too close to home?

Family has also taken on a different role for me. This one, however, has actually taken a good turn for me. I have realized how important they are to me, and how much they really do love me. Of course I am constantly having to explain endo and how there is no cure for it at this time. They all want me to be able to 'fix' it and get back to the life I had before. And I admit, it does get frustrating explaining the same things over and over again. But then I realize they are only asking because they care about me! They want to understand this disease as much as I do. And wonder why and how it can be taking away the spirit of their 24 year old daughter or niece or aunt or granddaughter or sister or cousin. Unlike most of my friends, my family has shown me the love that I so desire and need at this time. But I know it is not the same...best friends should be with you no matter what.

My relationship with my co-workers have changed drastically as well. Before diagnosis, we got along really well. After that however, I have noticed a change similar to my friends. When asked how I am, I have two options. Say "I'm fine" and they go away happy and content but you feel completely miserable. Or explain to them the truth! That you're having a very difficult day, are feeling quite depressed, and having a lot of pain. If I do that, however, they seem to make themselves scarce in the future. They either don't ask, or avoid me completely. I admit, it does hurt. When every inch of my body wants to shout out and seek support, or even a listening ear, I realize I can't find it from them.

The major way endo has effected my relationships is the one with my beloved husband. We weren't even married a year when this whole roller coaster began. It was a very difficult transition for both of us. I was frustrated, so was he. I was hurt, so was he. I felt hopeless, so did he. It was so bad that all we did was fight in the beginning. We both wanted me to be as cheerful and active and energetic as I was before. But my body thought otherwise. I used to work 2 jobs in college as well as taking 17 credit hours of classes each semester. Now I can barely work my part time job. I can't do as much around the house as I did before, and that has impacted him as well. He now has more responsibilities at home and needs to be patient if I need to lay down for a bit in the middle of doing something.

My best advice to any woman suffering from endometriosis is to educate yourself and others about this disease! That is so important in keeping a healthy relationship, whether it is your friends, family, co-workers, or spouses/significant others. I can't tell you how many women's health books I now own, or how many web sites I have been to researching endometriosis and other aspects of the disease. The more you know, the better you will feel, and the easier it is to explain to others why you feel the way you do. I found out I am not the only one, I am not imagining all of this in my head, and it is ok to feel all of the things I am feeling. And I found by having my family and husband read all of the information I have about it, the better our relationship has been. I am especially closer to my husband now than I ever have been!

As for my supposed best friends, I am realizing what kind of friends they really are. I have finally acknowledged that it is not worth my time and energy to constantly try to keep the friendship at the same level as it was in years prior. Especially when I am putting forth most of the effort. Friendships come and go and I am realizing that it is time for these ones to go. As some friends go, others show up and make themselves known.

Lastly, every relationship is important. But the relationship that takes priority above all others is the relationship between you and your body. Work on 'you' first! Then work on the others. But 'you' are your #1 priority!! You are not alone in this, you are not making this up in your head, and there are people out there who truly care about you!